So it’s been quite some time since my last post – again… I think it’s just been about a year since I last posted on this blog of mine saying that I would restart posting… thankfully my grand audience is basically myself and he doesn’t frequent this site if I don’t… lol But I digress, I think being able to have this small corner of the World Wide Web and being able to express myself in a format that is not quite a private journal, as it is the internet after all with everything I do or say being recorded for all eternity, it is something cathartic and healing. I feel that when I am writing and sharing my story, with the potential of it reaching someone, I feel closer, in a way, to what I feel is my personal hero’s journey. Facing the inner beast of apathy that is holding me back from sharing my “art”. Yes, it is art. Though not in the traditional sense – I believe that everything that one does from the heart is his/her art. Their life’s art – the grandest kind there is. So I continue to strive and fight this inner monster, the resistance, that is holding me back from following my true calling – whatever that may be. Coming back again, having been beaten (i.e., stopped posting and sharing) but not defeated. So with some trepidation I am ready to announce that I have finally gotten around to restart my old podcast. This time under a new name and banner. Can you guess? It will be called, …. (drum roll) …. eponymous to my site, Amused Hermit. I don’t actually remember why I even bought this domain name in the first place. But I believe I have had it for at least a few years now, gathering dust (or whatever its equivalent is in cyberspace) in the netscape. But here it will be. The very first episodes ready to be posted this weekend! Now it is simply a matter of rebuilding those old muscles that have been unused for far too long. But now I am back. Hopefully, wiser, better, and with a clearer message to be shared. I continue my hero’s journey and face up to resistance once again. Face up, looking straight ahead, even though I don’t know exactly what it is I am doing, taking that one step forward, eager to see what happens and what thing I will see across the next bend.
Renewed and refreashed
So here I am. Back on this blog. First time publishing a post since… well, too long.
The point of this post is really more of a note to self, “I am still alive, I am still here, I am still going to succeed”!
It’s been a long road since I last published but looking back to where I was and where I am today I do feel an immense sense of gratitude. It hasn’t been easy, but I have made progress.
As Seneca said,
“What progress have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.”
So here is to the new day, well night really but somewhere on this planet it is a day so…, a new me that is a little bit more of a friend to myself than yesterday.
Some exciting things are on the horizon. I am actually working on a number but as all good things do, it does take a bit of time … well, I think it doesn’t really need to take time as I am recently learning but more of I need to be the right person so that everything can fall into place. It’s all ready there. Like dominoes. The grand line is all set and I just need to be in the right place to topple the very first piece and before I or anyone notices the goal that was just a dream suddenly takes flight before the world.
As I said, exciting times ahead! I hope to see you there.
When all is dark…
I’ve recently had a conversation with a friend, reflecting on the loss and sadness and the despair it causes in us. It was quite a deep and meaningful topic to me as I have recently recovered from depression that was caused by deep personal loss, as well as simultaneous problems professionally.
The topic was the benefit of experiencing sadness. It sounds rather absurd as sadness and gloom is something we all wish to avoid – and personally I don’t wish to go through it again – but during those dark times I was able to ponder and think deeply about things I would never do when I am happy and all is sunshine in life.
I was able to be honest with myself and feel things I normally do not. Being able to see life in a different perspective and in some ways a more authentic view made me into a deeper person because of it. Sadness and despair are part of life. But we can use those opportunities to bring out in us the sweetness and beauty that would only come from these trying, difficult times.
I’ve read somewhere that experiencing hardships in life is like crushing a flower in order to release and create a wonderful perfume – so long as we don’t let the experience ruin us but we use it to strengthen us to be a wiser, more deeper version of ourselves.
As C. S. Lewis said,
Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.
Even in nature, a rainbow only exists because of the rain. The darkness may seem to never end and at times it really is difficult to see even the faintest speck of light. But hold on, use these moments to look deep within yourself and discover the hidden strength you never knew you had. The strength to be weak and humble. This will cause you to better connect with others and with life itself.
And never be afraid to reach out to a friend and have those deep conversations that you may not normally have. Discover a deeper, newer, and better you.
Purpose & Happiness
I was continuing my reading of the book, “The Art of Happiness: A handbook for living” by The Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler and was hit by a passage that mentioned, “the purpose of our existence is to seek happiness”.
For awhile I thought I had read it wrong as I thought it sounded very self-centered and egocentric. But upon reading further it actually started to make sense and for the first time I understood what that meant.
In the book it mentioned about countless research that was done that actually showed that unhappy people tend to be more self-centered and withdrawn.
One interesting experiment was done to demonstrate how happy people tend to exhibit qualities of openness and willingness to reach out and help others. The experiment was done by inducing “happiness” in a test subject by arranging for someone to unexpectedly find money or by having the subject listen to a comedy album thereby “lifting” their spirits. They then posed as strangers to walk by and “accidentally” dropped a load of papers. The investigators were looking to see if the test subjects would stop and help the stranger. They discovered that the subjects who were feeling happy were more likely to go out of their way to help someone in need.
So the Purpose of life is really is Happiness, True happiness and not the kind of instant gratification or temporary pleasure. True inner happiness where, no matter the surrounding circumstance, we can make a conscience decision to be happy and at peace.
Slowly but surely I am learning to take each moment of everyday to be truly grateful and happy, no matter the circumstance. Through the hardships and loss I’ve recently experienced I have found again the buried treasure I had lost. Happiness is a state of mind. A state of mind I have full control over. It just takes practice. It takes being open and honest with myself and those around me. It takes authenticity.
It’s a journey
I was inspired to start this site to help others like me who have struggled and have gone through or still are going through tough times. I’ve followed several great blogs, writers and podcasters who have managed to succeed after going through their own dark days. Their success is inspiring and does keep me motivated to press on, even when it’s difficult.
However, my story is not one of success per se. You won’t hear stories of how I make a seven figure income working from home, or how I’ve used my passion to create a business where I am throughly enjoying every second of my life. At least not yet.
I guess my message is simply one of trying. Though I haven’t reached my goals (yet) I hope that my journey, failings and small success will be a small light to spark your journey.
I’m working on my mindset every day. I sometimes forget but it’s a process, a journey and I know if I keep it up, stay focused and act, I will soon be sharing my successes and how I’ve been able to achieve it.
But I’m still on my journey. And I’m learning to love it. It really is good to be alive!
You must first be how you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.
– Margaret Young
Grateful
Through all the lass, suffering and painful mistakes I’ve lived through, I’m grateful that I can still say that, “Life is beautiful”.
When life’s circumstances, good and bad, can not shake my core foundation and I can genuinely say, “Life is beautiful. I am grateful,” there is such calm and peace. A freedom that is hard to describe.
It/s difficult to keep this mindset of mindfulness but it is also truth. I am not my circumstances, I am not my mistakes. I am simply now and I choose to be grateful for this truth.
Simply be
Hope
I’m not a writer nor a professional blogger. And to be honest, I don’t really desire to be.
This is just my piece of the world where I can say my thoughts and share what lesson’s I’ve learned through my, above average, mistakes.
I’m not a guru, teacher, or wise one. I’m just a fellow human in this big, and at sometimes small, world on my journey. I’m simply a fellow traveler and I hope we can share a mere moment of this journey together.
The past year has been an incredibly though one for me. I’ve lost my family through an unpleasant divorce. Had troubles and problems professionally at work. And have trudged along the dark valley of depression. Getting lost in my own darkness with no hope of ever seeing the light again.
However, I’ve recently saw a speck and sparkle, though off in the distance. A small flickering of a sprite. I have named it, Hope.
My Hope is yet small, but it seems that observing it has caused my trudging into more of a purposeful gait. Through its light, I’ve seen a bit of the horizon. I was so lost in my own self for so long that I had not realized the valley was not an endless trek but simply a dark hole I was walking around and around in.
I’ve started to climb out and realized I was not here alone. There are others, fellow travelers, that also need to see my hope. By noticing you, I’ve noticed that my Hope has grown just a little more.
I hope we can climb out of this together and reach the end of this valley. The sky has suddenly grown a little less dark, a little less cold. I think we will get through this.